The Guy Who Jumped the Shark

A few months ago I went out on 3 dates with a guy I'll call Prick (just for kicks). Prick had a very important job working at a very important computer software company. He was in the midst of developing a giant computer program that would change the way people use computer software (or this is the way I translated his technical lingo).

Prick and I met for the first time at a beer joint in Dupont Circle one weeknight after work. I was overjoyed to see that Prick was indeed taller than me and pretty cute as well. Score! He gave me a quick hug and seemed warm and friendly.

We sat at a table near a window and immediately ordered 2 beers (I went with my trusty favorite, Amstel Light...typical girlie beer). After we finished with the 'what do you do' segment of the conversation we somehow stumbled into a long talk about religion and philosophy. I'm not sure how that happened, but Prick started quoting famous religious texts left and right. I was a little thrown by this as I've always considered myself to be more spiritual than religious. Prick assured me he wasn't religious, but found the topic to be somewhat fascinating. I mumbled some tidbits about having grown up Catholic and tried to steer the conversation elsewhere.

After a quick discussion about Prick's fondness of cycling and deep admiration of Lance Armstrong, we split the tab and left. Our first date felt like a whirlwind of strange conversation and I didn't really know what to think of Prick. When we got outside, he gave me a hug and said he would call me. I didn't hold out much hope for that to happen though.

A week went by and suddenly I get a call from Prick asking me out to dinner. I agreed, hoping we would get to know each other a little more on the 2nd date. I was right. Prick seemed almost like a different person. He was much more animated and was cracking jokes left and right. Our 2nd date consisted of dinner and a jazz show. Even though I'm not a big fan of jazz, I honestly had a great time.

When Prick asked me out again, I was fairly excited. This time he came over to my neighborhood and we went to dinner at a sushi restaurant on my block. Prick came straight from work and seemed tired and in a bit of a bad mood. What happened to the fun, animated guy from date #2? Maybe he was tired from a long day of work or just moody. Our conversation over maki rolls didn't go so well. Prick began asking me a barrage of questions regarding my stance on various political issues. I felt like I was being interrogated. To say I'm not a political person is a vast understatement, so I really didn't appreciate Prick's line of questioning. I could tell by the way he was looking at me that my answers were not up to par.

When the check came and Prick said, "Do you wanna split it," I knew things were not going well.

I wasn't sure what to do at this point, but Prick suggested we walk down the street and grab a drink (by drink he meant hot tea). Conversation continued to go down hill. We started talking about movies (a topic I love) and Prick mentioned he enjoys documentaries about wars. Wait, what? Documentaries about wars. I realize wars play a valuable role in our nation's history, but come on! I would rather watch paint dry. As soon as he said this my face fell and I knew it was over.

"I enjoy documentaries as well," I responded. "As long as they are about famous artists, writers or actors. Or people related to famous artist, writers or actors."

Prick walked me home and gave me a quick hug and kiss. No chemistry. He said he would be in touch, but again, I wasn't going to hold my breath.

Low and behold the next morning I receive an email from Prick. He wrote that 'while I had a lot of fun spending time with you, I'm not looking for a relationship'. He went on to write how much he hated sending these types of emails, but he didn't want to string me along. So, he was breaking up with me after 3 dates? Um...

I responded with a little email of my own. "Thanks for being honest. I feel exactly the same way". Short, sweet and to the point.

Score: 2 points